مسبّات

أشّرت للتاكسي بإيدي، شحط فرام، سيارتين وراه لح يفوتو فيه
أكلنا أول مسبتين
إستأجرت سيارة بالبلد بس ماكنت إستعملها كتير لسببين: خايف يروح محل الصفة قدّام بيتنا،
وبعرف مالح لاقي محل صف مطرح مو رايح
على سوق الهال لو سمحت
زورني وبدا يسوق.... أكيد أكلت مسبة تالتة
مبيّن عليه مهزوز بدنو
شباك أخي، شايفك متدايق، الله يعينك، السواقة ببلدنا مو سهلة
بدا يشكيلي همّو
طلع معي قبلك واحد مغترب معفّن....طلع عدّادو ٣٠ ليرة
ناولني خمسين قلتللو والله ما معي كمالة
قام مارضي يترك لحتّا لقيت حدا يصرفلي الخمسين
أخدها ومشي وهو عم يتزوّرني
البغل مغترب ساكن بأمريكا
يعني عشرين ليرة ما بيطلعو نص دولار لهل أنجاس الأميركان
والله نسيت العد، كم مسبة صارو؟
بسيطة أخي، طوّل بالك، هدول بيصير طبعون متل أهل البلد اللي سكنو فيها، بتكترمصاريهون وبيزيد بخلهون
العما... فوق كل هالمسبّات زدتهون مسبّة ذاتية
وصلنا... طلع العدّاد ٢٦ ليرة... مدّييت إيدي على جيبتي...العما، فاضية... نسيان جزداني بالبيت
ولي.. لح يلحق كلهالمسبّات قتلة كمان ...مدّييت إيدي على جيبتي التانية...نسيان فيها دولارات... كم ميّة وعشرين وقطعة واحدة تبع الخمس دولارات
مسكت ورقة خمس دولارات... ناولتو ياها وإيدي عم ترجف.. خايف من مسبات بالجملة
مشان الله لا تواخذني أخي... نسيان جزداني بالبيت... ما صرلي يومين بالبلد ومعي هدول... بيطلعو شي ٢٥٠ ليرة. مسامح بالباقي... أصابيعك مو متل بعضها يا إبن الحلال
إنت مغترب بهديك البلاد كمان؟ لك ولي على هاليوم، وين بدّي إصرفها هي؟
أي بنك بيصرفلك ياها
أنو بنك وأنو صخام؟ شوأنا فاضي وقّف على بنك؟ وين بدّي صف السيارة؟
يللا سيدي بيعينك الله على غلاظتنا..سامحنا..فتحت الباب وبس بدّي إمشي
ولله كلامي مظبوط على هالأميركان المعفنين... تضربو تضربو شو مقرفين
فتحت باب التكسي وطلعت... بنفس اللحظة في بنت مارقة... إجا الباب بطريقها
العما بقلبك... مو شايف قدّامك؟
لا تآخذيه إختي... هادا مغترب معفّن... طعجت باب التكسي الله لايوفقك
لك أخ منكون يا ولاد بلدي... حتّى ببلدي ساويتوني غريب؟

On Pain, the internet, and other things

Pain....that four letter word that makes most of us grin. That awful sensation in one or more of our body parts that makes us lose sleep and renders us unable to perform some simple daily functions we are used to take for granted. We, humans that is, are arrogant creatures. When we are healthy, feeling no pain or illness, we think we are invincible, untouchable, and indestructable. Pain hits, as simple as a toothache, and we succumb and get tossed out of the invisible fortresses we thought we lived in. Pain is the most humbling experience a human can go through. It serves as a reminder of how vulnerable we are. It hits humans indiscriminately with no regard to age, wealth, gender, race, or any other artificial status we created for ourselves.

I've been mostly pain free most of my life. With the exception of the usual headaches, muscle aches, toothaches, and maybe some stomach discomforts, I haven't suffered much at all. Towards the end of my long vacation back home, I felt a little bit of pain in my right arm. After I came back, the pain got worse. Sharp shooting pain that runs from my shoulder all the way to my finger tips. It got so bad that I wouldn't sleep for more than two hours at night, and I couldn't move my right arm without feeling that stabbing sensation. For weeks on weeks, I endured the pain hoping it will go away on its own. I'm the kind of person that hates waiting in doctors' offices and hospitals, and even before I decide to visit one, I try to diagnose any illness on my own, through the internet. I found out that the most likely cause for my pain would be a pinched nerve. One of the bones in my neck is pressuring the nerve that runs to my right arm and causing all that pain. It gets worse when I try to go to sleep as the mind has nothing to do except for dealing with that pain. I tried cold and hot patches, ointments and pain relievers, but they all failed. Finally, I gathered the courage to walk to a clinic. After a long wait, I was let in. The nurse had me fill out a medical history form, and asked me a million questions about my bad habits. They put me in a small room to wait for the doctor. An attractive middle aged lady finally walked in and started talking to me about my illness. I told her what I was experiencing and added what I thought I had, my own diagnosis that is. She sent me in for X-rays, and an hour later the results came back. The same diagnosis I predicted was thrown at me. Okay, now please give me a solution. Oh, I'm going to perscribe some muscle relaxer and pain medication, but there's nothing else we can do for you. You have to go to a physical therapy clinic or wear a neck brace. It's not a chronic or a dangerous illness, and it usually ends up going away on it's own with rest and therapy. I was also told to take some time off, stay away from spending too much time henched at my computer or laptop. What? Most of my work is done online....Most of my personal life is handled online.... I buy most of my stuff online.... I meet people online.... I blog.... I stay in touch with my family and friends online..... I can't watch باب الحارة or الحصرم الشامي online anymore? Nope, I had to cut all that crap out and start acting like a cave man, yeah, like that primitive me that lived before I bought my first PC in 1995. I had to stop blogging for now. I had to drive to a store before I checked out what they had online, and I had to use the phone to call my friends and family instead of writing emails. My digital life was over untill I took care of my pain.

Ahhh, why do we have to feel pain? Why do we need that rude awakening? Why can't we have a life without pain? Well, some people do, and they rarely live past the age of 25. They are people with what doctors call Congenital Insensitivity to Pain, or CIP in short. Kids who are born with this disorder do not feel any physical pain. They end up with rotting teeth, broken skulls, and untreated infections without being alerted by that pain.

I am thankful for that pain that told me I need to take care of myself although I want it gone. I am thankful for those of you who missed me, and even those who did not. I am thankful to experience how beautiful it is to hear a relative or a good friend over the phone and have a normal conversation.

It feels good to find out there still is a life out there without computers and the internet, but I still want to get better and enjoy my life the way I choose to.